January 7: 1969 The Bigger They Come the Harder They Fall In this super duper week when the New York Jets are 18-point underdogs to the fearsome Baltimore Colts, it is a time for partisans of the underdog to look for all the encouragement they can get. It is a time to take refuge in the philosophy that the bigger they come the harder they fall. Great upsets of all time are recalled: Holy Cross over Boston College; Centre over Harvard; Jim Dandy over Gallant Fox. Go a little farther back and you get to the granddaddy of all upsets: when little David rose up and smote the great Goliath of Gath in the Valley of Elah Super Boiwl. David firmed up the Israelites and they went on to whip the favored Philistines. They changed the course of history. Oldtimers still talk about it when they sit around the cracker barrel and recall the great contests of the past. It so happens by a great stroke of luck I have come into possession of an undiscovered transcript of the post-battle press conference with the victorious David. It is published today for its relevance to Sunday's big game; and all the big games. Scribe: Congratulations, David. You were great. David: Thank you. But I'd like to point out that I couldn't have done it without the help of all the Israelites. It was a team victory. Scribe: Goliath was six cubits and a span. (Ed. Note: -nine feet, eight inches). Were you very nervous looking up at him? David: I was all right once the battle started. I've always been a confident little guy. Let's face it, some people say I'm too cocky. They don't like my popping off about how good I am and what I am going to do to my opponent. Scribe: What did you say before the battle? David: You can look it up. I told the coach, "Your servant has killed both lions and bears; and this uncircumcised Philstine shall be one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of the Philistine. Scribe: And that persuaded the coach to use you? Coach King Saul: Yes, I told him, "Go out and the Lord be with you." It's what I always tell them in our pre-battle team prayer. Scribe: You didn't expect to get into the battle did you? David: Well, I wasn't in the starting lineup, but I had a feeling when I got up this morning that I might get in there. And naturally, I have to thank coach King Saul for having the faith and confidence to use a rookie like me in a big one like this. Scribe: Did you have a battle plan? David: You always go out there with some idea of what you want to do. But you must be prepared for whatever they might throw at you because on any given day anything can happen out on the warfield. Scribe: What is the maneuver that won it for you? David: It's something that I've been working on myself for some time. It's the first time I've ever used it, but I figured I would have to have something new to throw at a big, strong guy like Goliath. Scribe: A trick maneuver? David: No, it was strictly bread-and-butter stuff. There really isn't anything new in fighting wars. It's just a matter of execution. Scribe: Well, it was a terrific move. How did you do it? David: You saw it, write it. Scribe: Well, what went on in your mind while you were doing it? David: When the Philsitine arose and came and drew near to meet me, I figured the best defense was a good offense. So I ran to meet him. The old element of surprise, you know. Scribe: But you didn't have protection; no helmet of bronze or coat of mail? David: Well, I never did like heavy padding. It takes away from speed, and speed is the biggest thing I've got going for me. A good little man can beat a good big man if he's fast enough. All I needed, I thought, was my staff, those five smooth stones from the brook which I kept in my shepherd's bag and my sling. The Philistines never had a chance to scout me. I think that may have been the difference. Scribe: You didn't need the five stones. David: Like they say, you got to have the breaks, too. When I took out a stone and slung it and it struck the Philistine, the stone sank into his forehead in just the right place. It was one of those one-in-a-million shots and he fell on his face to the ground. Scribe: A shot like that has to be more than just luck. David: Well, I have spent thousands of hours by myself in the backyard shooting stones with my sling at a target I painted on the wall of my hut. Sometimes my friends laughed at me, but I've always felt that nothing is worth doing unless you do it right. Scribe: Was it a grudge fight? David: Not really. But I must admit I got a bit psyched up by what he had said in challenging us. I pasted his comment up on my locker, the one that says: "Choose a man for yourselves and let him come down to me. If he is able to fight with me and kill me, then we will be your servants; but if I prevail against him and kill him, then you shall be our servants and serve us. I defy the ranks of Israel this day; give me a man and we may fight together." Scribe: What happens now, David? David: They said that King Saul will reward the man who kills Goliath, that he will give him great riches and will give him his daughter and make his father's house free in Israel. I have a lot of offers to speak at banquets and there are some slingshot firms that want me to endorse their products. I hope you have had enough, gentlemen, because I've got to run. There's that chariot outside that I was awarded for being the outstanding battler out there, and I can't wait to tool down the road with it. . .
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18. The Irrepressible Jets 
