This is about Weeb Ewbank, a cuddly name for a cuddly man. I often had to pause at the typewriter or word processor not to write Ewb Weebank. Hence the headline by an alert desk man. January 9: Is Ewb Weebank a Jolly, Dirty Old Man?
I must be frank Ought Weeb Ewbank's name Be Ewb Weebank? -- From the Left Field Treasury of Forgotten Sports Verses Fort Lauderdale, Fla. -- Until now I have thought of Jets coach Weeb Ewbank as my favorite cuddly old man, a Santa Claus of a figure, an aging Rumpelstiltskin grown mellow, a cheerful cherub. Now, strike all that that. Put down Weeb Ewbank (or is it really Ewb Weebank) as my favorite dirty old man. That's what he is. At yesterday's pre-Super Bowl daily press briefing he exposed himself as a risque old elf.
It came out when Ewbank explained how he got his players ready in their locker room just before a game. He strung together a string of cliches of no great interest. Then he said, "Sometimes I even tell them dirty jokes." Dirty jokes? "Sure, I even heard a good one the other day." The assembled gentlemen of the press got up and,to a man, said, "Tell it, tell it." Ewbank, a fatherly man, said,"Wait, I don't realy tell jokes well." "Tell it, tell it." "Well, all right, but I know I'll mess it up." At this point he interrupted himself when he saw a waitress who was working the eating room where the press was assembled. He said to her, "Madam, would you mind leave the room for a few minutes?" The waitress tittered. She left. Reluctantly. Ewbank then told his joke. It wasn't the world's funniest joke-and it's no loss to even the most insatiably curious, so we'll do without it here--but it was right for the moment. It drew a big laugh because Ewbank had warmed up his audience and almost anything he said would have drawn a big laugh. The session with Ewbank was warm and comfortable. It was a pleasure for anybody with a sense of the occasion to be there because it seemed so right for Ewbank to enjoy himself at this time and place. He is 61. He has been around the leagues 18 times; it's nice to see that he can be immersed in the thick of all this blood and guts and yet step back and see the arena for the yard stripes. Almost as if he were Casey Stengel plucking every chord that would be receptive to his audience's ear, he dropped lines; he reminisced; he made apt descriptions of people; he passed along anecdotes; he allowed himself a sardonic comment or two-and he told the dirty joke. He got a standing ovation. Lines: He said, "The way they talk about Bubba Smith, you'd think he was the greatest thing since peanut butter." He recalled that when he tried Lenny Lyles as an offensive end at Baltimore, "Lyles was so inept, they called him 'Board Hands.'" He said of Don Maynard: "He's a boy you take out of the county, but you don't take the country out of him." Ewbanks has special affection for Maynard who has a kind of lovable kook status around the Jes. "In his way Don's a fun guy," Ewbanks said, "and I think that helps a club as long as it doesn't get out of hand. If a guy starts pilling around, I stop it." He passed along fun-guy Curly Johnson's joke about Maynard; that when Maynard checks into a hotel he comes in with one extra bag that is empty so that he can fill it with soap and towels and stuff when he leaves. He said it was nice to be here at this time because he's seen people from St. Louis and Chicago and Clevland and all the other places he's been in a near-liftime in the football business. He reminisced about old-time players Jim Mutscheller, whom not many people remember; and Gary Kerkorian, whom almost nobody remembers. He said he had advised George Shaw not to be unhappy about playing behind Johnny Unitas, or Mike Taliaferro about playing behind Joe Namath. "I told George, 'Look, I'm talking to you as a father, not a coach; you are better off as a second-string quarterback. You'll be here a long time." But George wanted to be traded and he never did make it as a No. 1 man. If he had stayed, he might still be at Baltimore." He answered almost all the questions. He was great. Still, some things were left hanging. Will he tell a dirty joke to his players before the Super Bowl? Will he contemplate putting out a collection of "The Collected Pre-Game Dirty Stories of Weeb Ewbank?" The dirty old man.
This reminds me of a favorite little ditty about a Green Bay worthy that I dropped on readers more than a few times over the years. It went:
There is something
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Super Booze: Much Ado About Nothing 
